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Saturday, January 28, 2023
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OPINION: ‘A Single Mistake in Bed from a Man Can Cost an Entire Relationship’

By Ida Chicker Chabs, Social Commentator

CHABS: Still what I have learnt is that women cheat as unthinkingly as men!

Precisely, why women cheat? Why going into extra-marital affairs. Well, let’s break it together.

A single mistake in bed from a man can cost an entire relationship. Women go to bed with men with a lot of expectations. When you fail to meet what they expect from you, you risk losing them to a much better option. If they choose to stay, they will do so with a divided mind.

While pleasing a woman in general in bed is an uphill task, a real man should strive to achieve at least 75% of what every woman wants to feel while they are at it.
Good sex is one of the many things that will ensure your woman is hooked to you. And a genius in bed needs to learn a lot to master the art.

It is possible that you cannot learn everything at a go and put it into practice. But at least a man should know what a woman wants and does not want to experience in bed.

But if he doesn’t diagnose the fact that there is a problem then that’s where a wife starts cheating. And the reasons for cheating are none other than sex, attention, boredom these and plenty others are the main reasons I have gathered from what I have read from anonymous threads on Pemphero Mphande timeline the past hours.

In today’s world the concept of marriage has become too modernized. You want to live your life as you wish to. You do not want to follow old traditions as you feel it is very outdated and outmoded.

Modern permissiveness has made you take your marriage very lightly. No longer is cheating considered wrong and sinful. You jump in and out of extra marital affairs with great ease.

1. This is pure infidelity.

Every affair is different, and so are every woman’s reasons for having one but there are some common threads which can spark off an illicit encounter.

Why do women cross the line? And who is more prone to cheat? Is it the wife or the husband?

If this question was asked some twenty years ago, you would point your accusing fingers at the husband.

Very sad and tragic, isn’t it? Keep me company as I break point by point!

2. Emotional Reasons

If a woman’s partner doesn’t listen to her anymore or connect with her on an emotional level she may be tempted to find that connection elsewhere.

There are subtle differences in the reasons why men and women have affairs.

Men tend to have esteem issues, and need an ego massage, they need to be admired by their partner. Women may decide to cheat because their partner has ignored her attempts to re-connect with him emotionally.

3. Sex

On this one I will dig deeper. It may well be that some men cheat for sex, but as for women cheat for emotional attention.

There’s an element of truth that men get intimacy from sex and women get it from communication and emotional connection.

However, that’s not always the case. Sex is a much bigger motivator for an affair now than it used to be for women.

Thirty or so years ago there was a very clear pattern. Men could separate sex and love but women were more likely to have an affair for emotional reasons.

Now things are shifting, women are more likely to separate sex and emotions and have an affair for fun and some don’t want to leave their husband.

Women are more attuned to their sexuality and know what they want in bed. They are more likely to have an affair because of an unfulfilling sex life than they were a generation ago.

a.) Poor Foreplay

If you are a jealousy man and don’t want your woman to cheat on you there is a need for you to learn on how to satisfy your woman in bed and make her want you more. Unfortunately, most men hurry the foreplay bit without any consideration for their wife. Just because you’re up and ready doesn’t mean your wife is ready too. On that one I will say there is need for men to take their time before penetration, and both of you will enjoy your marriage with intimacy.

b.) Failure to Diagnose Erogenous Zones

The typical erogenous zones in a woman are several, going from the back of her neck, her ears, and all the way to her knees and her toes. But each woman has a few special sweet spots that switch the button on instantly. Kiss and nibble the entire length of her body and make sure you remember the zones that excite her more than the others. It’ll always come in handy the next time you want to arouse her faster. Don’t fail your wife!

c.) Don’t Roll Over and Sleep

Falling asleep immediately after sex is a good sign because it means you’re secure enough in the relationship to just enjoy the relaxing after sex sensation without having to worry about awkward moments. BUT, there’s a thin line between being secure and taking your woman for granted. Cuddle up after sex or indulge in pillow talk for a while. Or just fall asleep in each other’s arms. Women have an active imagination and tend to rely on feelings more than visual appearances.

And if you are concerned she may be cheating because of failure to turn her on, you need to arouse her mind by using the right words. Whisper sweet nothings in her ears or talk about her favourite fantasies. As long as you excite her mind with your seductive words, she’ll have an orgasm that’ll grip you hard down there. I don’t think I’m such a way a woman that really loves you would cheat on you.

d.) Selfishness

If you don’t want your wife to cheat on you you need to satisfy her, this is as simple as it gets. Put your woman’s needs in bed before yours. Understand her preferences in bed, be it about the dim lighting or the right side of the bed, and make sure she’s feeling comfortable enough to enjoy love making with you without any insecurities or awkwardness.

e.) Experiment/Try New Things

The most boring of marriage/sexual relationships are the ones where the couples just do the missionary and don’t experiment at all, be it about positions or about dirty conversations. If you want to do more than just satisfy your woman in bed, try new things all the time. If you feel like a particular sex fantasy or a particular position is starting to get monotonous, freshen things up by trying something new. The primary reason why sex starts to get boring among couples resulting in cheating is because it can get rather repetitive after a while.

The typical foreplay-followed-by-missionary-position sex may be the most comfortable of all positions and it may feel intimate too, but every now and then, try something new just to bring a change into your bedroom. Try role playing, dirty talking or a few sexy games in bed. Just when sex starts to get predictable, bring an interesting twist into it. By refreshing sex all the time, you can make each time you make love with your woman feel like a one night stand. Don’t be selfish. You both need to save your marriage!

f.) Complement Words

We, as women love to be appreciated in bed. It makes us shed our inhibitions more easily and gets them to experiment in bed sooner. When a man is naked in bed with a woman and find something fascinating about her, there is a need to make sure you share those thoughts with her. She’ll feel better about herself and her new sexual confidence will definitely lead to better and sweet sex, and not thinking of cheating on you.

g.) Trigger Zones and Fantasies

Do you have any fantasies that make you hard as soon as you think about it? Well, us women have our own trigger fantasies too. For some women, it’s a sexual fantasy while for others, it may be an erogenous zone. Speak to your woman and find out what turns her on instantly. It’ll play a big part in turning her on, and at times, it can help her orgasm sooner when you can’t hold on for too long. She will definitely remain faithful to you and your marriage.

h.) Play With her Body

Just because she gave you kids, or you’re inside of her doesn’t mean you should stop focusing on the rest of her during love making. Play with her body and move your hands all over her. Massage her, press the boobs romantically, stroke her and grab her all over. It’ll turn your wife on a lot more than just focusing on the missionary. Kiss her also. You know kissing is sensual and romantic. Don’t just stop there. Let her feel your passion even when you bite her tongue and body. And here’s something to remember, a good love bite in the strategic regions will still feel just as passionate to a woman even after several years of going out with each other.

4. Opportunity

Not many women are at home all day doing cleaning, cooking and preparing for the return of hubby with a hot meal, a dab of lipstick and his slippers warming before the fire. Now as a man you should be afraid if you’re not doing enough for your woman in as far as intimacy is concerned. These days the roles of men and women aren’t as traditionally demarcated.

Plenty of men are the main child carers while their partners go out to work. Or more commonly both partners work and share the responsibility for any children. As women aren’t chained to the kitchen sink anymore there’s more opportunity, especially for working women to have an affair if their husbands aren’t as they used to be in those days of dating.

For work, a woman often dresses smartly, with her hair and make-up done, she may act more confidently which makes her feel more attractive and makes others find her more appealing. Another man stands in her way just to complement her the beauty in her that you don’t complement. You’ll definitely lose her. No doubt!

5. Boredom or Curiosity

Some women may be a bit bored and find themselves with time on their hands, often when her children don’t need her as much.

Key ages for women to embark on affairs are, once her youngest child is two or three, or when she’s experiencing empty nest syndrome when her kids are teenagers. Women may have an affair when they are adapting to a changing home role. After children, it may be the case of discovering herself as a woman again rather than a mother. If you got together at a very young age you may want to see what else is on offer in todays world.

Some women have a fantasy about what married life will be like. If their husband is nice and unassertive they may be attracted to bad boy types. Now you cannot blindly blame a man for cheating his wife. The scenario of marriage relationship has undergone drastic changes over the years.

So to wrap it all: Dear men, looking good for your woman makes a huge difference in the experience she has in bed. After all, a better looking partner is more of a turn on, isn’t it? Mamuna kungokhala ngati peyala nanga? Go to the gym, smell good, and dress well but you need to remember that looking good doesn’t just mean a six-pack.

Have a shower if you’re making love at the end of a long day, and keep all those hairy regions clean and trimmed. Smell great and feel great in bed, and your woman will definitely have a hard time keeping her hands off you!

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